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Tears

I spent the following morning completely numb. Nothing. No tears, no sadness, just nada.

Around 10am my nurse, Leslie, called. This is pretty normal protocol for OB patients if they had been in the ER. She asked how I was feeling and all of a sudden I was livid. I started telling her how insensitive that wicked doctor in the ER was and how stupid he must be to be so nonchalant about the loss of a child. I went on to tell her that I would be finding a new OB who doesn't work with a program that employed assholes. Yes, that is what I said to her. Yes, I was completely aware that there's always someone like that. But I was mad. Furious.

Thank goodness I just so happened to have THE best nurse ever. When I paused after asking for the man's superior's name and contact info, I realized she was crying. My sweet nurse was crying for me.

Leslie asked me to come in that afternoon so Dr. Clouatre could visit with me. Josh and I arrived at 2pm and the nurse walked me straight back to the US Tech's room where Bridgette, Leslie & Dr. Clouatre were waiting. Nurse Leslie & Josh held each of my hands while Clouatre & Bridgette began the scan. Immediately, Dr. Clouatre's eyes filled with tears and a smile began to form. 'Brittni, that doctor should have done his job and ordered an ultrasound. You can't always depend on HCG levels for multiples.' he turned the screen so I could see the TWO tiny babies in my belly. There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

We walked back to an exam room and after I had been weighed, he ordered me on 48 hour observation in the hospital. I had lost entirely too much weight and at the rate my awake sickness was going, it wasn't slowing down.

I'll be honest, I don't remember much from that stay. I slept a ton, ate when they told me to, and puked more than I care to remember. I left 48 hours later with orders to go to another hospital so I could have a PICC line (it's a long term IV) put into my arm and be on a 24/7 pump that supplied Zofran (anti-puking med) directly into my blood stream.

I was assigned a home health nurse who came over after the procedure to show me how to hook up my pump,and my fluids. If I wasn't getting my 2 bags of fluid, I was to be hooked up to the Zofran pump. Thank goodness it came with a fantastic black canvas fanny pack so that I could go out in public! She would be back to change my bandages each week.

Finally, I felt like there may just be a light at the end of this tunnel.

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